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I’ve been trying to write this one for a couple of months now. I’ve had the concept and a couple of lines since watching the final episode of Californication, but I’ve been stuck.

And now, here it is. I like it so much it could make the next record.

Do you take this man for better? For worse?
From the start to the end? Honeymoon to hearse?
Do you take this man
Or do you take me?

Do you take this man for richer? For poorer?
Are you sure of his feelings, or could you be surer?
Do you take this man
Or do you take me?

I don’t want to spoil the wedding.
I don’t want to trump the priest.
But he said “speak now”
So I’ve gotta speak now
‘Cause I’ve never known how to hold my peace

Do you take this man in sickness, in wellness?
In newlywed bliss? In sheer living hell-ness?
Do you take this man
Or do you take me?

I know my timing could be better
I know clichés are such a bore
But he said speak now
So I’ve gotta speak now
Before you make that vow I need a second more…

Do you take this man to honor and obey?
To tell him through clenched teeth that you’ll always love him
   though your heart’s gone astray?
Do you take this man
Or do you take me?

Take a breath and face the fear
Take yourself away from here
Take a chance on me my dear and say you
Take me

Here’s a Jack Russell-type pooch meting out justice the only way he knows how.

Fun stuff. Until the dog chokes on a balloon, of course.

But until then… Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoiFGva_JoY

My crack at “Just My Imagination” by the Temptations, this little nugget from The Year of Longing Dangerously was written as an angry song about a neighbor who consistently ignored me when I would say hello.And we’re talking complete silence.”Hello.”

“——.”

Bizarre.

You don’t even know my name,
But I’m smitten just the same.
I have seen you from afar.
You don’t know me, but I know who you are.

I could make you happy dear,
But you don’t even know I’m here.
I could answer all your prayers
If you would only walk up a flight of stairs.

I dream some day we’ll have a life:
A country husband and his country wife.
When we’re wed we’ll buy a farm
And walk the pastures arm in arm…

We’ll have chickens and a rooster too,
A couple of hounds and a horse or two,
A couple of cows and a couple of sheep,
And a couple of kids to sing to sleep.

You pass by me every day.
I struggle for words to say.
Some day my tongue won’t be so tied…
You don’t know me, but you will by and by.

Apparently it’s the most depressing day of the year. At least according to this English story it is…

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6847012/

“[The researcher] found that, while days technically get longer after Dec. 21, cyclonic weather systems take hold in January, bringing low, dark clouds… Meanwhile, the majority of people break their healthy resolutions six to seven days into the new year, and even the hangers-on have fallen off the wagon, torn off the nicotine patches and eaten the fridge empty by the third week. Any residual dregs of holiday cheer and family fun have kicked the bucket by Jan. 24.”

Well there it is. In honor of the year’s most depressing day, some more depressing lyrics — coming right up!

I can’t say I’ve seen Heath Ledger in more than Monster’s Ball and Brokeback Mountain, but I enjoyed his work in both. And I was certainly looking forward to seeing him as the Joker in the upcoming Dark Knight.

If it was a drug overdose as is being reported,  it makes his death even sadder for me, because it feels like even more of a waste.

I realize it’s just a maudlin cliche, but there’s absolutely no reason for people like Ledger or Bully’s Brad Renfro to be dying.

And no, it’s not like we’ve lost two of our generation’s great actors here. But who’s to say what they could have done?

In my own small way, I’ll miss them both. Not so much because they’re dead, but because what they promised is gone.

Recorded on a cold, lonely night last year into the tinny microphone built into my computer. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Today is Penguin Awareness Day. I am not making this up.

Please take some extra time this morning to be aware of the humble penguin. Because, seriously… What the hell else are you doing today?

OK, so earlier in the week I complained about people who say they write songs in 10 minutes, but this one from The Year of Longing Dangerously didn’t take much longer than that, actually. It pretty much fell out like the baby in that scene in Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life.Welcome to the world little song. Now shut up.

Incidentally, the song originally had a bridge that went “When does a child learn the careful touch? / When is he taught not to try for much?”

The lines provided the title of the song, but when I sang them I found they got in the way of the trumpet solo. Welcome to heaven, little lyrics.

Now shut up.

If I could stop making unsafe bets,
I could live without regrets
But taking chances appeals to me.
I like how danger feels to me.
I’d rather deal with what life deals to me.

If I could just stop being bold,
I could comfortably grow old
But I’ve seen the cautious and how they pray.
I can’t abide by the games they play.
I’d rather let the chips fall where they may.

They say it’s crazy to want that girl,
But it’s so crazy I just might give it a whirl.
I can’t be safe for safety’s sake.
She’s a chance I’m willing to take.
She’s a bet that I’m ready to make.

“Cards and Letters” started out as a duet for The Year of Longing Dangerously, but Ali Bartlett, who was supposed to sing on it with me, turned her nose up at a “corny” country two-hander.In frustration I went back and wrote myself some more verses.

(Best thing that happened to the record.)

I hope this letter finds you well
Because talking to you is hell.
I try to string three words together but I d-d-dry up.
I guess I’m lucky I can spell.

I’ll let this card show you my heart
Because I don’t know how to start.
I want to pitch the woo but next to you I f-f-freeze up.
I’m scared I’ll shake myself apart.

It hurts to go to bed alone.
I want you with me but I can’t pick up the telephone.
So until I find a way to t-t-talk to you better,
I’ll send a card, I’ll write a letter.

It’s so hard to communicate.
That’s why cards and letters are great.
With pen and paper there’s no chance that I’ll just c-c-clam up.
Face-to-face seems second-rate.

It hurts to go to bed alone.
I want you with me but I can’t pick up the telephone.
So until I find a way to t-t-talk to you better,
I’ll send a card, I’ll write a letter.

The intial lines that became this song on The Year of Longing Dangerously were written way back in 2000, I think, when a girl and I (where are you, Brett Tiller?) went to extreme lengths to reassure each other that we weren’t in love.Started out funny, turned sad, then got changed from “I don’t love you” at the last minute. I always knew, though, that it had to be jazz.

I don’t love her.
I’ve cleaned my heart right out.
I don’t think of her
When I turn the light out.
Once, when she first had gone,
I might have done so.
But now, now I have moved on
And I’m having fun, so!

Wait a minute…

What’s the act for?
Who am I trying to kid?
I want her back more
Than I ever did.
Yes, my heart breaks,
But I made mistakes
And now I can’t have her.
So that’s why I lie,
Pretending that I…
Don’t love her.