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After my Dad said “You could have a hit if you record that song better”, I re-did an old number called “The ‘Why Am I Here?’ Song”. Obviously its shadow has still never darkened the Billboard charts, seeing as Love and Marine Biology sank like a stone on its release.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in some kind of movie.
I control so little in my life I might as well be.
This acting business isn’t what I was expecting.
I guess, given the choice, I’d rather be directing.

I don’t like my character and I don’t like the plot.
I can’t tell if my performance is believable or not.
Sometimes I feel like just a puppet on a string,
bowing and scraping because you find it amusing.

There must be some way out of my contract.
There must be some way of getting my life back.
There must be some way of just walking off the set,
but I’m still here. I haven’t found it yet.

There must be some way out of getting out of my contract.
I’ve made a big mistake and I’d like to buy my soul back.
There must be some way of just walking off the set,
but I’m still here. I haven’t found it yet.
I’m still here. I haven’t found it yet.

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It’s never the big things that lead to break-ups. As the lead-off song on Love and Marine Biology will attest, it’s the little ones.

The really, really infuriating little ones.

Today I woke up to the sound
of you messing around
in the sink with the coffee grounds
and I thought I loved you dear,
but then you started to yell
about how you can tell
when I use your hair gel
and I pretended I couldn’t hear.

What happened to us?
This is getting ridiculous.
Let’s make up and start again.
What happened to us?
The ties that bind grow tenuous.
How ’bout another day to pretend
we can’t see the end?

Why do we fight like we do?
We scream ’til we’re blue.
This can’t continue.
It’s just about killing me.
They told us that life would be tough —
that love would be rough —
but I’ve had enough.
I’d give it up willingly.

What happened to us?
The atmosphere here’s poisonous.
Let’s make up and start again.
What happened to us?
When did love get so dangerous?
How much longer can we pretend
we can’t see the end?

When we stood up and pledged ?’Til death do us part?,
I never dreamed we’d be the ones to do the killing.

What happened to us?
The ties that bind grow tenuous.
Let’s make up and start again.
What happened to us?
When did dreaming get dangerous?
How much longer can we pretend
we can’t see the end?

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Inspired by an actual dream about… a girl.

(You didn’t think I was going to tell you who, did you?)

Last night I dreamed about you

And as the dream began
Through jasmine fields we ran
The sky sang your name, Lianne
And the trees and flowers too

Last night I dreamed about you

We came upon a wishing well
And hiding in the willow bell
We found an abalone shell
Colored pink and white and blue

Last night I dreamed about you

The sun shone on the mere
And as the mist began to clear
You whispered in my ear
Of forgotten love once new

Last night I dreamed about you

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A relic from the Toronto days — Saturday (?) nights at the Cloak and Dagger on College with Erika Werry and Jimmy Dowling. I think it was Saturdays… Forgive me — that part of my brain is strangely bourbon-soaked.

Ah, Jimmy. I miss him like fuck. “Biscuit Tins” is still one of the best songs I’ve heard. Check it out on his MySpace page.

Somebody steal my car
Somebody steal my car
It’s out there on the street looking good enough to eat
Somebody steal my car

Somebody steal my car
Somebody steal my car
It’s the cherry Pontiac with the dog hair in the back
Out there on the street looking good enough to eat
Somebody steal my car

Now you might think it strange
You might think me deranged
That I should want it stolen so
But I’m short on spare change
So I’m trying to arrange
An influx of insurance dough

Somebody steal my car
Somebody steal my car
Now that I have your trust I should say there’s a little rust
On the cherry Pontiac with the dog hair in the back
That’s out there on the street looking good enough to eat
Somebody steal my car

Now you might think it strange
You might think me deranged
That I should want it stolen so
But I’m short on spare change
So I’m trying to arrange
An influx of insurance dough

Somebody steal my car
Somebody steal my car
Though I really must confess that the engine is a mess
And now I’ve got your trust I should say there’s a little rust
On the cherry Pontiac with the dog hair in the back
That’s out there on the street looking good enough to eat
Somebody steal my car
Aw, you can have it
Here’s the keys! Just take my car!

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Recorded this one in 2002 in my living room and on my parents’ piano. It’s up on iLike; check it out to see if you like.

I paid a dollar to look into your eyes
Now I’m a dollar poorer but I’ve seen through your disguise

You pulled your trigger and shot me dead
Who would have figured? I know I never suspected…
Now I know

You’ve been sussed out
I’m all over what you’re all about

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This got recorded in Kitchener in 2002, I think, with an old friend named Nelson. Shelved the song because I was feeling sick when I sang it. One of these days I’ll upload it here.

Now that all the best spies are dead
Who will steal the secrets from my head?
I’m feeling too safe, I’m sitting too pretty
I need you to compromise my security

The days of cloak and dagger are over
But I still miss looking over my shoulder
I’m giving you a dangerous mission
You’re in charge of arousing my suspicion

I’ve put a wall in place… I want you to scale it
I’ve left a tell-tale trace… I want you to trail it
All the doubt on my face? Go ahead and ignore it
I want you to give chase when I make a run for it

Now that the cold war’s wrapped up and done with
I need an agent I can have fun with
If you want it, here’s a new directive
Come on and make me your primary objective

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To be recorded on my upcoming disc, Two Horses. Inspired by the Lee Gowan book of the same name.

I love Lee Gowan. I once took some promo pictures, actually, holding a copy of his book The Last Cowboy.

Staring at the windowpane
Hating what I’ve become
Listening to the winter rain
Wondering how I got so numb

This can’t be make believe love
‘Cause my heart just won’t heal
Why can’t we make believe, love,
That you feel what I feel?
Oh, say your love is real

Dying in a living hell
Keeping your secrets for you
Hearing the lies that they tell
Knowing they’re actually true

This can’t be make believe love
‘Cause my heart just won’t heal
Why can’t we make believe, love,
That you feel what I feel?
Oh, say your love is

Real like a car crash, real like a death
Real like the way we ran gasping for breath
From the scene of the crime
I wish I’d known that it was the last time
Real like the silence that’s settled in since
Real like the lies that have them all convinced
Look at you acting like I don’t exist
Well I can’t have imagined all of this
I couldn’t have imagined any of this

Lying in a stranger’s bed
Watching her dress and leave
Wishing it was you here instead
Playing at make believe

This can’t be make believe love
‘Cause my heart won’t seem to heal
Why can’t we make believe, love,
That you feel what I feel?
Oh, say your love is real

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For the girl who introduced me to Bob Dylan. She knows who she is, even if she never knew I had a crush on her.

I remember that night like it was just days ago
Things came together when the band fell apart
Bob Dylan’s Desire playing on the stereo
And a little of our own stirring in our hearts

I had been fighting for months with Christine
When the boys left the group it was all I could take
You said “I know what you need — a cup of caffeine…
Come on to my house for coffee and cake”

Well we hadn’t been fifteen minutes in the place
You said “Let’s play some records… And hey, let’s get high…”
Then you put on Desire and looked me straight in the face
So I kissed you gently. But you started to cry

I said “Is it me?” you said “It’s Scarlet Rivera…
When she solos on ‘Isis’ it’s a beautiful sound”
Then you went to the bathroom to fix your mascara
And ‘round about then my heart started to pound

When you came to your bed I was already in it
You weren’t wearing nothing but a long cigarette
I said “Let me look at you… Suzy, give me a minute”
Then you gave me an hour that I’ll never forget

While you slept beside me, well I got to thinking
I thought about honor and I thought about love
Maybe it was all just the coffee I’d been drinking
But suddenly it hit me like a bolt from above

So I laced up my Fluevogs and I threw on my coat
And I made for the subway as fast as I could go
I didn’t have the guts to even write you a note
But I figured when you woke up alone, you’d know

Now what happened next can be easily guessed
I knew deep inside that I had to do right
I went home to Christine, sat her down and confessed
And in just thirty seconds broke my second heart that night

I remember that night like it was just days ago
Things came together when the band fell apart
Bob Dylan’s Desire playing on the stereo
And a little of our own stirring in our hearts

And all these years later I’ve missed you every day since
There’s so many things I wish I would have said
Rememberin’ your violin still makes me wince
But when I hear ‘Isis’ I wish I was dead

The pain works its way into all of my songs
It’s there in each one if you listen carefully
Each lonely note knows my melody belongs
Nestled up under your sweet harmony

Suzy where are you living? Whose house do you keep?
Tell me who are you holding, and who’s holding you?
What I wouldn’t give to hear you play me to sleep…
You’re no Scarlet Rivera, but you’ll do, you’ll do

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The first of (hopefully) many for a planned sequel to The Year of Longing Dangerously.

Don’t talk to me!
I can’t bear it when you speak.
Don’t talk to me!
Just the sound of your voice makes my legs go all weak.
One word from you and I’m beside myself —
Gone, the restraint on which I pride myself.
Don’t talk to me!
Don’t you whisper in my ear!
Don’t talk to me.
Don’t say the words my heart’s longing to hear.
I like to think I’ll behave myself,
But baby, I know I won’t.
So don’t talk to me. Don’t talk to me, don’t!

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