An open letter to the Liberal Party of Canada
This — one of many unsolicited emails I’ve received from them — from the Liberal Party of Canada today…
Dear Aaron,
I don’t know about you, but I’ve always loved political debate. Perhaps it is because in my home growing up (not to mention my home now) discussion about the issues of the day was an ever-present part of my life. We didn’t always agree on things – in fact, we often disagreed. But I have always enjoyed the way sharing ideas helps me get to know people on a deeper level.
The English language election debate will take place next Thursday, October 2nd. I hope you’ll take advantage of this opportunity by hosting or attending a Debate Watch Party.
Debate Watch Parties are fun, and they offer you the perfect opportunity to help ensure the people around you are fully engaged. With your family, friends and neighbours gathered in your living room around the television, you’ll be experiencing democratic participation at its most basic level, and enjoying each other’s company in the process.
The issues being debated in this election are critical, and the choice facing Canadians on October 14th couldn’t be more important. Thank you for your support and participation. Together, we will build a richer, fairer, greener Canada for ourselves, our children and the generations to come.
Sincerely,
Janine Krieber,
Liberal Party of CanadaPS. If you do decide to have a party, let us know at debatewatch@liberal.ca. We’d like to keep up with what’s happening across the country.
Authorized by the Federal Liberal Agency of Canada, registered agent for the Liberal Party of Canada
And now, for your edification and mine, my response. I’ll post any reply I get.
to: info@liberal.ca, debatewatch@liberal.ca
Dearest Ms. Krieber,
Are you people high?
Wait. I’m getting ahead of myself.
First I should say I love how you scraped my email address from either culture.ca or the CBC Radio 3 site. You must have, because I sure didn’t sign up for anything Liberal. I use this email address exclusively for my music, so ‘fess up… Who sold me out?
OK, fine, don’t tell me, but let’s think about this… I play music. Did it not occur to you that perhaps I lean to the left? You might have guessed that when you cut me, I bleed orange. Although that’s not completely, blindingly obvious, maybe, so I’ll give you a pass. Just this once. After all, you’re only pretending to know me when you send me these things.
Speaking of which, let’s talk about the spam thing… You’ve been sending me unsolicited email every day since the start of the campaign. In some countries, that’s against the law. Not here?
At the start I got really offended. I had plans to scream from the rooftops about how you’d probably campaign on making spam punishable by death if you thought it would win you votes, and yet there you were, clogging my inbox - and, I’m sure, thousands more like mine - with this garbage.
But it was like watching a car wreck. I just couldn’t tear my eyes away. With every email blast, each more disconnected from reality than the last, the sick fascination grew. “God, I want to unsubscribe,” I’d mutter, “but then I’d never know… How dumb can these emails get?”
Thank you for rewarding my patience.
Debate watch parties? DEBATE WATCH PARTIES?
I’ll say it again. Are you people high?
Humor me and let’s parse that phrase
Debate…. To apply the label “debate” to what we witness each time our political leaders stop smelling their own farts long enough to get in front of a bunch of podiums in the same room is a horrible abuse of that word. I’ve seen better debates in a Grade 5 classroom.
Watch… Can any normal person really watch the debate? All of it? I tried last time around and I seem to be suffering the same effects caused by that waterboarding everyone’s talking about these days. Recurring nightmares, post-traumatic stress, anxiety attacks… I’ve got the shakes just writing about it.
And parties… People dance at parties. People eat those Jell-O molds you make with pineapple and cherries in a bundt pan. People pin paper tails on plastic donkeys. Do you feel me? Parties are supposed to be fun. And, I’ll be honest… Maybe I’m a curmudgeon, but I’m having trouble thinking of something less fun than cosying up on the couch with 7 of my friends and neighbors and watching our leaders argue - politely, mind you, and in turn, and in great deference to Steve Paikin - about who’s the worse leader.
So thanks, Liberal Party, but no thanks. I won’t be holding a Debate Watch Party.
But I do appreciate your time, and the opportunity to let you know how I feel; I, too, have always enjoyed the way sharing ideas helps me get to know people on a deeper level, so I hope that by sharing I’ve allowed you to know me a little, er, deeper as well.
Looking forward to your next email, and to October 3, when I can work on getting the bed-wetting to stop until the next time we have to do this.
Yours,
Aaron Wrixon
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Aaron Wrixon is a country (ish) singer from just outside of Toronto, Canada. Watch this site for free MP3 downloads, streaming audio and video, lyrics, tour dates, and images and photographs.